Martin Urbano: Comedy Genius or Dangerous Pedophile?

April 10, 2017

 

Martin Urbano, a Hispanic (?) young man [sic], has been making waves after a successful run of shows with comedy darling Chris Kattan (SNL, How I Met Your Mother). Some have hailed Urbano's take-prisoners attitude as "Andy Kaufman if he was actually just mentally ill," while some detractors have praised him as "a potentially dangerous and still active pedophile." But who is he, really?

 

"I do my art for strictly two reasons: to make money and to hurt the less fortunate," Martin said, licking his lips. "I love power."

 

Martin sparked some controversy early on in his career when The Hometown Journal reported on his secret love life: a polyamorous relationship with the entire foster family he grew up in. "They're not my blood. I can't help how I feel," he joked.

 

While many began to question his morality, all was forgiven one month later upon the release of his special, "Live from Thailand." ComedyStuff praised this fifteen minute performance as "raw", "daring," and "he better be joking about those things, or he might actually just be a vicious sexual predator. But he definitely seems like he's joking."

 

"I spent so much money on prostitutes here, it's insane. So much money, but I'm not done yet," Martin says to open his special. "I'm not going to stop until I am dragged on the plane back home. And then I will buy a prostitute and smuggle them back into the country for my own personal use. I am not joking,” he joked.

 

His contemporaries have declined to comment.

 

Whether or not Martin Urbano is a demented pervert, only time will tell, but one thing is certain: he is going strong and will never be stopped. "My biggest goal in comedy is to ruin the lives of the needy," Martin says, peeling off a large, loose scab and eating it. "I crave despair."

 

Check out Martin Urbano's newest album, "Actual Locations of the Bodies, Seriously, Go Check Them," available right now on the JustSayin app.

 

 

Greg Greyson is a writer/blogger/author/journalist/editor/columnist/scribe/contributor/penman currently living in New York City. Follow him on Twitter @UnfunnyGreysonDoNotHireJK

 

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